For years, I clung to the illusion that alcohol was the cure for my anxiety. It seemed like the ultimate crutch—something to quiet the chaos in my mind and give me peace. But the truth? That crutch was a fiction I created to justify my drinking. I groomed myself to see life through the distorted lens of alcohol, and for a long time, I convinced myself that this distorted view was normal.
I didn’t know what it meant to see the world through sober eyes. Every decision I made, every setback I faced, was steeped in the haze of drinking. I gambled away everything I had. lost my racehorse because of my drinking. I got fired because of my drinking. Even derailed a train while under the influence. But worst of all, I drank my way to cirrhosis of the liver.
So, where does anxiety fit into all this? It was always waiting in the wings, ready to strike whenever I was sober for more than a few hours. Sobriety brought a tidal wave of self-loathing and fear. My thoughts, left unchecked, became overwhelming—dark, toxic, and relentless. I know I’m not alone in this.
Anxiety didn’t just follow me—it consumed me. My body would shake, my skin would sweat, and my mind would race until I reached for the only thing that seemed to stop the storm: another drink. I thought it was the only way forward.
But here’s what I want you to know: there is a better way.
The cycle of drinking to silence your thoughts isn’t living—it’s surviving. And it doesn’t have to be that way. Help is out there, and resources are abundant if you’re ready to take that first step.
The hardest lesson I’ve learned is also the most freeing: your thoughts are yours, but they don’t define you. Accepting them, rather than running from them, is where real healing begins. The excuses we give ourselves to keep drinking are just that—excuses. When we step back and look at them through a lens of logic, we see how hollow they really are.
If you’re struggling, know this: you are not alone, and you are not weak for seeking help. There is strength in facing yourself and your thoughts head-on. Healing is possible.
I explore this dangerous cycle and how I broke free in my book, Tripping Over Myself: A Journey from Addiction and Anxiety to Awareness and Peace. If you’ve ever felt trapped by your thoughts or alcohol’s grip, my story may help you see that change is possible.
Please send any comments or suggestions to gerard.tripping@gmail.com